; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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