Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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