I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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