I am puke
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
