i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she pinky promised me she was 18
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
