Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
