my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
