My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
