Are we in a gay sports bar?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
