nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
