I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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