Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
