Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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