How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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