Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
