today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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