Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
