My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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