Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize