So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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