You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Jerry, you need to find god
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
