Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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