So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
