btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
