Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
