ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he was CRYING into my vagina
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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