WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
