I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
