i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
