her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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