I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
