He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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