I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
