Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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