he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
