My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you have to choose: penises or morals?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
