yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
