The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
