Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
