Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My vagina is very pro this idea
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