I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
