When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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