I want to stick my p in your. b.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
