Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
