wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
