apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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