so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
