This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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