I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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