just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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