I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
