i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
