There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
