I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
