my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
