Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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