It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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