Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
