I hate all girls vehemently.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
dude. I can hear the air.
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