i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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