this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My feet surprised me
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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