just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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