im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
