I murdered the dance floor call the cops
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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