yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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