i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
