Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Shame is for Republicans.
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